


when darkness comes i'll be your fire

by ghafa



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non AU, and minho loves him anyway, does this count as slowburn idk maybe maybe not, jisungs a crybaby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 15:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13790499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghafa/pseuds/ghafa
Summary: four times jisung asked minho to stay and the one time minho did.





	when darkness comes i'll be your fire

**_one._ **

jisung’s heart pounds against his chest as his eyes burn holes through the floor of the room. he can hear jyp’s harsh words, directed at them, and it’s all he can do not to scream right now. they had practiced _hellevator_ to no end, spending restless nights stuck in practice rooms with sweat sticking clothes to hot skin and eyes half-closed from exhaustion, and now – _now_ it’s like their hard work was all for nothing, and their boss is specifcally targetting three of their members, and minho –

jisung’s teeth clench together almost painfully as he hears jyp tell minho that his confidence wasn’t good enough, his singing wasn’t good enough, _he wasn’t good enough_ , and it feels like the words are stabbing straight at his heart. he knows how much effort minho had given into their choreography, into his voice, into their team because he _knows_ minho already thinks he isn’t good enough to make the cut, and to hear it from jyp is basically cementing those thoughts.

he vaguely registers jyp telling minho to rap hyunjin’s second verse in the song, and his heart lurches forward in terror – minho’s a _dancer_ , a _vocalist_ , and even though jisung knows he’s got the talent, he’s still unexperienced in rap, so how is he supposed to do this?

the song starts up again, and the lyrics begin to sound foreign to him despite having worked on them himself, the beat becoming too unfamiliar, too quick for his liking. he barely makes his way through his own verse, and as hyunjin’s next verse comes up, he finds himself grasping minho’s hand in his own.

minho squeezes his hand back gently as he starts rapping, and jisung keeps his hold tight until minho’s done, both of them letting out breaths they didn’t realise they were holding. jisung lets go hesitantly, raising his own mic to his lips.

(he isn’t really sure whether holding minho’s hand was a way to give comfort to the older or if it was his own desperate attempt to keep himself anchored. maybe it was a little bit of both.)

when jyp leaves with a warning for them but no elimination, jisung turns to minho, mouth open to tell him – what, exactly? words of comfort? a promise for the both of them to hold onto?

whatever it was, he never finds out. his voice falters when he meets minho’s eyes, soft and sweet and sad, all at the same time. he’s smiling, as if he already knows what jisung wanted to tell him. jisung looks down when he feels minho’s fingers slip through his own, locking their hands again and giving another gentle squeeze before he turns to leave, headed straight for the door. jisung takes a deep breath, heart still pounding, before he goes to follow.

the words die in his throat, but he makes a promise, nevertheless. _together, hyung, we’ll make it together_.

 

**_two._ **

his chest feels empty, his heart lost as he hears hushed voices coming from inside the eldest members’ room. it’s been hours since minho’s been eliminated yet he can still feel the tears ready to well up in his eyes, puffy and sore from all the prior crying. he likes to think he held it together pretty well, especially compared to seungmin, poor,  soft seungmin, who broke down the moment jyp announced his decision.

(fast forward to when the cameras stop filming and the staff leave and he’s actually even worse.)

jisung chews the insides of his cheeks as he stares at the closed door, hands hanging awkardly at his sides, not really knowing whether this was a good idea or not. he raises his fist, rapping on the door with three knocks that sound as hollow as he feels.

the door swings open to reveal chan, barely looking a little better off than himself. their leader doesn’t look surprised to see him there, just gives him a tight, meaningful smile and says quietly, “talk to him, i think you both need it. don’t be too hard on him or yourself, alright?” he pats him on the shoulder and leaves jisung blinking hard at the open door.

“jisungie?”

his breath hitches at the sound of minho’s tired, scratchy voice, stepping inside the room and closing the door behind him. his heart falls at the sight of the older boy sat on the edge of his bed, his stuff packed in his bags – _bundes_ , jisung thinks fondly – on the floor. minho’s eyes weren’t as red as his or anyone else’s, but they were definitely darker, filled with more disappointment than the rest of them.

jisung stumbles step by painful step towards minho, who smiles unbelievably sweetly at him for someone whose dreams have just been crushed. when he’s finally stood before him, he looks into his eyes, searching for something amidst the hurt swimming around. he looks for _hope_ , for a sign that tells him minho isn’t giving up on stray kids, that he isn’t giving up on him.

“hyung,” jisung croaks out. he reaches out his hand, and minho stares  at it for a moment before his eyes melt and he moves his own hand towards jisung. he grabs it, desperate to hold onto minho for as long as he can in this moment they have. “hyung, promise me you’ll be back.”

minho’s eyes soften at him. “you know i shouldn’t make promises i can’t keep, sungie,” he says quietly, his voice cracking at jisung’s name the same way the younger’s heart cracks apart at his words.

“no,” jisung argues, “you _have_ to come back. it’s nine or none, right, hyung? you have to promise.”

“ _sungie._ ”

“hyung, i swear i’ll do everything i can to bring you back, so you have to promise – ” jisung’s voice breaks, his tears falling unstoppably once again. he gasps, taking in a deep, shuddering breath. “you have to promise you’ll come back.”

a tear drops from minho’s eyes. “you’re making me cry, sungie.”

“ _hyung_ – ”

“i promise,” minho tells him. the hand that isn’t being gripped too tightly by jisung comes up to wipe the tears from the younger boy’s round cheeks shakily. “i promise i’ll be back, so stop crying, jisungie, it’s not good for hyung’s heart.”

jisung’s knees almost give out, but he catches himself at the last second and instead finds himself next to minho, moving to bury his face in the older’s sweater-covered shoulder. he breathes in minho’s fresh  scent and feels his own clothes grow damp with minho’s tears. he doesn’t mind.

(when minho waves at them from the door with a bittersweet smile, jisung can’t help but tear his eyes away. when he looks up again, minho’s already walking away, taking jisung’s heart with him, step by painful step.)

 

**_three._ **

the days after that seem endless. not a single one passes by when jisung – or any of them, really – doesn’t feel exhausted to the point that they pass out the moment they get into bed. chan was unsurprisingly the worst of them all, going days without sleep, and jisung knows for a fact that woojin and jeongin have to force him out of his studio and get him to eat and rest on an almost daily basis.

he and changbin are on the way there, if he’s being honest – ever since felix had become the next to be eliminated, the rapper has been living up to his self-proclaimed dark image, easier to snap at the other members even during their breaks. he himself has been restless and anxious since minho had been kicked, his usually bubbly energy turned into a more twisted version, his loudness becoming less genuine and more desperate to fill the void that’s growing among their group.

he doesn’t cry, because he thinks he’s spent too much time crying instead of doing something, anything, that could have prevented this disaster.

it’s almost 3 in the morning when jisung finds himself trudging out of the practice room he had locked himself in for hours, backpack slung heavily over one shoulder. he winces at the too-bright lights in the hallway, his head just starting to ache now.

he’s waiting on the elevator when his ears finally picks up on the muted sounds of a song coming from one of the other practice rooms, his tired body not having been able to sense it earlier. he walks toward the room, stopping at the door with his head inclined forward just slightly. sure enough, he can hear the squeak of worn shoes against the dance room’s floor as the last chorus of _hellevator_ comes on.

he holds his breath as he waits for the song to finish, already having an idea of who was using the room. his heart feels like it’s hanging above the clouds, just about to drop. the song ends and faint, laboured breathing can barely be heard along with mumbled words from whoever’s inside.

the person groans,  frustrated, and says, “one more.” it’s enough for jisung to shove the door open and shock the trainee inside enough to jump up from where they were crouched down before their phone.

“ _hyung_ ,” jisung breathes, dropping his bag and rushing forward to throw himself into minho’s arms. minho’s still in shock, but he manages to bring his hands up to hold jisung together.

“sungie,” minho murmurs against the crown of his hair, “jisungie, what – why are you still here?”

jisung’s eyebrows knit together as he pulls away from minho just enough to look at him, though he doesn’t break the embrace. “i – practice,” he answers breathlessly, taking in the bags under minho’s wide eyes, the flushed cheeks and the parted, panting lips. “hyung, do you even _sleep_ anymore?”

minho narrows his eyes at him. “have you seen yourself, han jisung? you don’t look much better than i do.”

jisung almost laughs at the situation, the irony of it all. “ah…” he looks down sheepishly. “i missed you, hyung.”

he hears the way minho’s breath hitches, feels the way the older boy freezes, and suddenly everything seems too much for him – the buzz of the airconditioning, minho’s eyes on him, their close proximity and the way minho’s hands are resting near his waist and on the small of his back. there’s a strange change in the air, charged with something jisung can’t name.

“jisungie,” minho says, his voice soft and vulnerable and echoing in the practice room. “yah, i missed you too.”

jisung inhales shakily and buries his face in minho’s chest. “hyung,” he says.

“yeah?”

“hyung,” he repeats, hands gripping the back of minho’s hoodie. “hyung, they eliminated felix too.”

minho doesn’t reply for a moment. “i know, sungie.”

“i – what?” jisung blinks, pulling back again, this time in surprise. minho’s eyes fill with regret. “how?”

“he told me,” minho admits. he smiles sadly down at jisung. “sungie, please don’t blame yourself.”

jisung’s mouth twists into a frown, “i could’ve done more, hyung.”

“you did your best,” minho tells him, gently, as if he was holding porcelain in his arms instead of jisung – though he might as well as be, considering the younger’s fragile state despite his own denial. “you did all you can, jisung, don’t blame yourself.”

jisung shakes his head when he feels tears beginning to build up in the corners of his eyes again. “ah, seriously, i need to stop crying,” he says, laughing without humour as he tips his head back, trying not to let them fall.

a gentle hand sends a wave of electricity rippling beneath jisung’s skin, and he gasps at the feeling as minho holds his cheek, forcing him to look at the older. “it’s alright to cry, you know,” minho tells him, gives him a comforting smile as he pulls them down, sitting against the cold, foggy mirror. “let it all out, sungie.”

jisung purses his lips, opening his mouth to complain, but then the first hot tear drops and he’s curling against minho on his lap, face hidden away in the crook of his neck. minho’s hand combs through his brown locks, the other rubbing soothing circles into his back as the older whispers sweet nothings into his ear.

once jisung’s shed enough tears to calm himself down, breathing heavily against minho’s warm skin, he sniffs and twists around so that he’s sitting between minho’s legs, leaning back against the older boy’s chest.

“i need to stop being a crybaby in front of you, hyung,” jisung mumbles tiredly, staring up at minho. the said boy’s closed eyes flutter open almost delicately, and he hums. “it’s getting embarassing.”

“it’s fine,” minho murmurs, tilting his head to the side just slightly. “as long as you’re fine.”

jisung feels some sort of warmth bloom in his chest and he feels his cheeks grow hot. he hides his face in minho’s clothes, heart launching into a faster pace.

(what were they doing? comfort was something friends give to each other, yeah, but this – isn’t that, not exactly. jisung isn’t stupid enough to think it is.)

“when will you keep your promise?” he asks instead, voice muffled. minho lets out a long, deep breath above him, fanning his cheeks slightly.

“i don’t know, jisung,” minho says, and the lack of endearment is enough to make his heart fall. “i don’t know if i can.” jisung squirms, starting to move away angrily, but then minho’s arms tighten around him.

“but,” he continues, “you know i’ll try.”

“you have to,” jisung insists, “you and felix both.”

minho sighs. “you know we will, sungie.”

jisung remains tense for a while, but he eventually melts back into minho, unable to pull away from the older’s warmth. “hyung,” he says, after a moment. “thank you. a lot. with my whole heart.”

he feels minho’s lips press into his hair. “anything for you.”

 

**_four._ **

jisung can’t quite believe his eyes when he sees felix and minho walk into the room, one after the other, standing beside jyp. he stares at them with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open as he hears jyp tell them he’s giving them the second chance of debuting as nine. he looks at minho, who’s got a small smile on his face, eyes darting from one member and lingering on him before he looks at chan. he tears his eyes away and looks at felix instead, breaking into a huge smile when felix meets his gaze.

he takes a step forward and another, one foot after the other until he reaches felix and feels the australian boy’s arms wrap around him. he lets out a loose laugh of disbelief, hands splayed across felix’s back, pressing hard as if to make sure he was actually _there_.

immediately, all nine of them are all over each other, exchanging hugs and meeting incredulous stares with breathless laughs. it’s been so long since they’ve all been together in a room yet it feels so familiar, so _right_ , and jisung couldn’t ever want anything else.

his eyes dart around the group, seeking one person in particular. he’s there, standing in the center, tired eyes curved happily, lips stretched in a bright smile. jisung’s heart leaps, and he pushes through the other boys to reach minho, who turns to him with an outstretched hand that he immediately takes, pulling the older into a hug tight enough to make minho giggle in his ear.

“you’re here,” jisung whispers, heart racing in his chest. his hands find purchase in minho’s jacket, holding on tight. “you’re back.”

“not just yet,” minho murmurs, making jisung’s smile falter. “we still have to work hard.”

“but we can do it, right?” jisung says. his heart flutters when minho’s hold on his waist tightens. “together. we’ll make it together.” he stares into minho’s eyes, searching for an answer. “promise me you’ll stay this time.”

minho laughs quietly. “yes, i promise,” he says with so much warmth in his eyes, “anything for you, jisung. remember?” jisung’s breath stutters as minho smiles at him. he has more than an answer now.

“hyung,” he breathes out, eyes dropping somewhere south of minho’s eyes. “hyung, i – ”

a finger presses against his lips, shushing him into silence. minho’s eyes curve at him. “tell me when we win,” he says. “promise me that.”

jisung blinks and exhales slowly. “i – yeah.” minho raises an expectant eyebrow, and he blushes. “i promise, hyung.”

minho smiles. “thank you.”

 

**_plus._ **

_“congratulations, stray kids, you will be debuting as nine_.”

the crowd’s screams fills the venue in defeaning roars once jyp’s decision is made, thundering in jisung’s ears. around him, his members are yelling, pure joy bursting in their voices as they rush to meet minho and felix. jisung isn’t at all surprised to see seungmin laughing with tears in his eyes, relieved at the knowledge that, this time, the fellow 00 liner is crying out of happiness. jeongin’s being smothered and felix and chan are saying stuff in english that he can’t care enough to listen to because minho is smiling the widest and the happiest he’s seen, the harsh lights of the studio hitting him in a way that gives him a halo around his head, and somehow he glows softly, like an angel on earth, and jisung’s heart feels tight in his chest.

minho meets his eyes and grins, opening his arms to him. he doesn’t hesitate to launch himself into those arms, holding onto each other tightly. jisung looks up at him and finds minho already looking, eyes crinkled into mirthful crescents and he loses himself in the stars in there.

(his head fills itself with minho. it’s always minho, he thinks, who he seeked out first, always him who could calm him down the best.

 _it’s always been minho_.)

“hyung,” he says, completely out of breath in the best way possible, “we made it.”

“we did,” minho agrees, his hand finding and interwining with jisung’s own, “together.”

jisung’s breath catches in his throat, mouth opening to spill the words he’d been desperate to say since they were reunited just days ago, but he knows he can’t – not right now, not with cameras and a live audience trained on them.

(though, if he could just have his way, he would scream it out and let the whole world know.)

he clings onto minho nonetheless, enjoying the way they fit each other perfectly, and the fans scream at the show of skinship. he smiles against minho’s clothes, hands lingering in each other’s hold as they slip away from each other and towards the other boys for the time being.

once they’re backstage and the prying eyes are gone, jisung halts and turns around, watching minho wave away woojin, who ushers the others towards the dressing room, shooting them a knowing smile. minho stops next to him, hands finding each other in the dark.

“i kept my promise, jisungie,” minho says after a few heartbeats, glittering eyes finding jisung’s in the dark. “i’m here to stay.”

jisung’s hand tightens around minho’s, vaguely reminded of when they first performed _hellevator_ in front of jyp. they’ve come far, so far. “i know, hyung,” jisung replies. “i – it’s my turn to keep mine, right?”

minho smiles softly, face illuminated by the lights peeking behind the walls. “i suppose it is.”

“i don’t know where to start,” jisung admits, looking down at his shoes shyly.

“it’s fine, sungie,” minho assures. he brings his hand to jisung’s chin, tilting his pinking face up towards him. “i’m here to listen.”

“minho hyung,” jisung’s voice starts out shakily, and he finds himself swallowing hard. “i – i’m really thankful. because – i don’t know, you were always there by my side, and even when it was you who was in the danger of not debuting you were there to comfort me, and it hurt so much to see you leave, seriously, i felt like my heart was being torn away from me, and i – i was honestly starting to think you think i was being weird because – honestly, i feel like i overstepped some… boundaries, even as friends, but.” jisung stops for a moment, heart pounding loud in his ears. minho looks at him expectantly, waiting.

(he’s always been patient with jisung – so, so patient, like they had all the time in the world to hold each other in their arms and tell them _it’s fine, it’s going to be fine, we’ll make it together._ )

“but… what?” he prompts.

“but. that’s the thing, hyung,” jisung continues, eyes blinking furiously, “i don’t think i see you as a friend anymore. sometimes i feel like all that we were doing was just leading up to us falling. or – or one of us, at least,” he adds, looking away now. his cheeks burn a rosy tint, and he feels dizzy from all that’s happened tonight.

“i guess that’s what i’m saying is that,” jisung gasps shakily for breath, “i think i love you, hyung, and – and it’s okay if i’m the only one who has. fallen, i mean. i just hope, if that’s the case, then we can still be good friends, ‘cause i don’t think i can stand alone, not without you.”

it’s quiet for a moment. jisung stares up at the ceiling, taking slow, deep breaths to calm his racing heart. he’s starting to think of the worst – minho’s disgust, minho’s coldness, minho _leaving_ him – and he’s starting to regret everything he’s said – he’d take it all back if he could and never say a thing about it, even if it meant breaking _his_ own promise to minho.

but then he feels the firm hold on his hand, fingers curled together, and he’s hit with minho’s sharp minty scent that makes him relax, melting into the arms that the older is wrapping around him. he blinks, too surprised to react to the hug. he feels minho’s lips smile against the crook of his neck, his break tickling the sensitive skin, and his breath hitches at the feeling.

“jisungie,” minho says, voice tender, “jisungie, do you really think i haven’t fallen for you, too?”

jisung’s heart jumps in his chest as he hears the older boy continue, “i liked you since the moment we met. i admired your talent and your hardwork, and it hurt me to think i wouldn’t be able to debut with you. it hurt me to see you cry so i made sure to stay with you ‘til you were okay again, and it would have hurt me to break my promise to you, so i made sure to come back. remember i said i’d do anything for you?” when he doesn’t reply, minho pulls his head away and pushes his forehead against jisung’s instead. his eyes twinkle happily at him. “i mean it, you know.

“and i suppose, what i’m saying is that – ” minho presses his lips to the top of jisung’s head, and then to his forehead, “ – i really hope you want to  be more than _just_ being good friends, because i wouldn’t be able to stand next to you without exploding if i couldn’t tell you how much i love you, too.”

jisung’s mouth flops open and close soundlessly, still in disbelief. minho laughs at him, the sound tinkling in the empty air, and he leans forward to kiss jisung’s nose. “can i kiss you, jisungie?”

jisung flushes deeply but he nods despite himself. when minho giggles and leans forward, jisung gladly catches the sound with his mouth, lips moving against each other gently, and then a little more desperately, as if to make up for all the time they’d lost, spent together and far apart. jisung’s breaths come out a little ragged when he pulls away, minho pressing another kiss against his forehead.

“hyung,” jisung says, burying his head in minho’s clothes, “promise me you’ll stay for good now.”

minho laughs and smiles down at him, radiating pure happiness. “anything for you, jisung.” he squeezes the other boy’s hand gently, “we should go now.”

jisung smiles. “together?”

_together._

**Author's Note:**

> me: stays up all night writing this, thats literally why its a Big Mess Of Feelings, im sorry im feeling sad and i found this draft from months ago so i was like,,, fuck it  
> anyway......... i'm seriously sorry for not updating the seungjin fic i swear i will work on it soon,,,,,  
> thank u sosososooso much for reading this Mess i love u if u managed to withstand my emo bs  
> pls maybe leave ur thoughts behind if u wanna!!  
> 


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